The Person I Aim to Be

I spent the last four weeks as a SaLT at Camp Id-Ra-Ha-Je.
As a SaLT I might be working in the kitchens and assisting a counselor, or solely assisting a counselor. It depends on the week. I expected to learn a lot, but I expected it to come through morning devotions and chapel services. Which, in some cases, it did. However, the majority of what I learned about God and myself came through seeing other people work with me. Before I never really had a goal for who I wanted to be. I mean, I wanted to be more godly, and more pleasant to be around. But both of those things are very broad and simple goals. At camp I met so many people that showed me the kind of person I want to be, but I want to focus on two right now. Their names were David and Matt.

I'll start with David.
The first thing I noticed about David was his ice-blue eyes. The second thing I noticed about him was that he remembered my name. I assumed he had many other things to worry about, so the name of one of his SaLTs was not one of his priorities. In fact, I don't believe I ever introduced myself to him. I don't know. But somehow, he remembered my name. And it actually surprised me so much that when he called me by my name for the first time I didn't answer because I didn't expect my name to be remembered.
Because of this, I came home from camp with this goal: To be the kind of person that remembers names.
I've heard it said that the reason we can't remember other people's names is because we're too preoccupied with telling them our names. That really convicted me, and I think about how I'm so used to people not remembering my names. So when David did remember my name, it impacted me.
I want to be the kind of person that remembers names because it means that I care about the person enough to remember who they are.
Another thing about David is that he actually cared about how you were doing. He wouldn't just ask "How ya doing?" as a passing greeting. When he asked you how you were doing he stopped and looked you in the eye and listened to your reply. He wanted to hear about your problems
I dunno. Just, I saw that he genuinely cared about everyone he came across.
I want to be like that.

The second person who made an impact on me was this other SaLT named Matt. I'm not sure if I can actually convey the greatness that is Matt in this blog post, but I'll try.
Matt was supposed to be in Lodge kitchen. However, all three of the other kitchens needed help at some point during the week. So Matt was running all around camp helping out in all four kitchens all week. So he must have been incredibly tired, right?
But he didn't complain. In fact, I didn't even know that he was in the other two kitchens until all the other SaLTs started giving him shout outs for it.
I know for a fact that, if I were in his position, I would make sure that everyone knew that I was also helping everyone else out and I am so tired but look at how great I am for helping.
Matt showed me true humility, and I want to be like that.

There were so many amazing people at camp, and I learned so much from watching their example. David and Matt stuck out to me the most, but I could list so many other amazing people. Because of David and Matt, I learned that I want to be more humble and more intentional in showing that I care about people.

Much love,
Amanda <3

Stream of Consciousness 11

Lately I've had writer's block. So I 'm writing this in hopes that I can break through it....
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First of all: grace. Look, you aren't perfect. Nobody is perfect. This is a fact of life and everybody should know this. Whether you believe people are basically good or not (spoiler alert: we are not basically good) everyone messes up.
What gives you the right to judge other people then? If somebody messes up, there is absolutely no reason for you to reject them or not love them anymore. And that's that.
Say someone gets pregnant out of wedlock. Why lose respect for her? Why reject her? You've messed up just as much as she has, her consequences are just more obvious than yours.
Really, just don't be a jerk. That's all I'm saying.
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On a happier note, you ever notice how things aren't as bad as they could be when you have something to look forward to? "Well this day sucked, but at least tomorrow I get to...." And then, as Christians we can heaven to look forward to. We have this hope. It's hard to hold onto this hope when life sucks, but you have to because it's the only way you're going to get through it.
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I really miss Summit but I love thinking about the stuff that I learned and applying it to real life. And there's all these books that I got that I get to read....
And I get to go work at Camp Id-Ra-Ha-Je soon and I'm also super excited about that. But it's also really nerve wracking because of the impact I have the opportunity to make. I want so badly to make a good one but I'm afraid that I'll mess up and leave a bad one. And that's what terrifies me.....
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So apparently there was this Facebook outage that caused worldwide panic. That, my friend, is sad. We are WAY to dependent on social networking now....
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So you know there was that shooting at Seattle Pacific University? I don't know if you've been following that story but Jon Meis, the guy who was able to subdue the shooter, has been getting a lot of attention for what he did. All these people sent him money for his wedding and honeymoon and he said that he wants anymore money they want to be send to be given to the victims. But what I think is really cool is that he said "When I came face to fact with the attacker, God gave me the eyes to see that he was not a faceless monster, but a very sad and troubled young man" (World Magazine, June 28, 2014. Page 16). What an awesome witness for God!
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I suppose that's all I have to say. Hopefully my writer's block is gone....

Much love,
Amanda Page

The Double Standards of Girl-Kind

So I was going to think of some witty title but then I got too lazy so you get a nice title that specifically explains the subject of my blog post. How boring is that?
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I went to a worldview camp called Summit up in Manitou Springs. That's a whole different post. But at Summit we talked a lot about masculinity and femininity. Also, the girls in my class bought this men's panel. So some of the guy staff members served us lemonade and cream puffs and answered some of our questions and oh my goodness it was adorable. In this men's panel and the masculinity/femininity discussion a few points came up frequently. One of them, the one I want to talk about in this post, is the way that girls disrespect guys.

Here's a picture of the Men's Panel in case you cared.....

Now the thought had crossed my mind a few times the past couple years but I'm ashamed to say I never really considered how I disrespect the guys in my life. When I was forced to think about it I found that guys are very hurt by-wait for it- the same things that girls get hurt by. One thing that constantly came up in the discussion was when girls sit around and talk about how attractive such and such celebrity is. It's like we forget that guy celebs are photoshopped and unrealistic just like girls are. Girls get super bothered when guys sit around and talk about Selena Gomez or something but then we sit around them and swoon over whatever guy in whatever movie we just saw. BUT THEN WE EXPECT GUYS TO RESPECT US. WE DON'T RESPECT THEM. WHY SHOULD THEY RESPECT US? I mean not all girls are bothered by this, so I'm sure not all guys are. But it's still really rude to do and I'm sorry if I've ever done that to you.....

Short post this time but I feel like there's nothing left to be said and anything else would just be excess ramblings.
So here's my concluding question(s) that no one ever answers even though I KNOW that people read this blog and have thoughts:
If you're a guy, is there a way that we as girls disrespect you or something that girls do that belittles you or something like that? Or does this even bother you at all?
If you're a girl, what do you think about this?

Much love,
Amanda <3

Stream of Consciousness 10

It's crazy that I've done ten of these.
Blogging is fun. :)

It's Mother's Day today and my mom is pretty great. Tell your mom how much you appreciate her. :)

Today in church my pastor told a story about a college kid who was there during some tornado and he actually held up  the foundation of a building while his girlfriend could escape, but then the building crushed him and he died.
Whenever I hear stories like that I worry that, if I were faced with the same situation, I would save myself first and leave my loved ones to die.
But I never want to be faced with a situation like that to find out what I'd do.

Yesterday I avoided yet another opportunity to talk to someone about Jesus. I pray one day I will have the courage to ask a complete stranger if she goes to church or not.

So I was at King Soopers the other day buying a book. There was this shifty-looking kid with his hood up at a self-checkout register, so I avoided the one next to him and went to one across from him. Well as I'm checking out he comes up to me and asks if I have two pennies. I didn't, so I told him that. He sighed and I asked him what he needed to buy. He goes "I just need eighteen cents to buy that." He pointed to the Monster energy drink. I pulled a dollar out of my wallet and gave it to him. He just looked really sad that he couldn't buy the thing. He said thanks and went away and I continued to check out.
But get this-   he gave me my $0.98 back.
I was really impressed because I probably wouldn't have given the person their change back if I were him. I mean, they gave me a dollar, I'd use the dollar.
I suppose that makes me selfish.

The end of of the school year is coming up and I have learned quite a bit my junior year of high school. Too much to put in a blog post like this, I'll write one later with my reflections.

One of the things I absolutely hate in when I get judged at church. And I don't mean like "Hey, Amanda. I've noticed such and such sin in your life and I want to help you overcome it."
I mean like "Oh. You saw Noah. I saw God's Not Dead." "You read Harry Potter/The Hunger Games/whatever-"secular"- book-or-movie-you-can-think-of? I choose not to read that kind of stuff." "You don't listen to K-Love?" "YOU DON'T LIKE CHRIS TOMLIN." And then just getting stared at. It happens all the time from so many people but I feel like it would be inappropriate to argue with them at the time it happens. So I am posting this in hopes that they will read it.

First of all, I just don't like Christian contemporary. It doesn't mean I'm a sinner. Nowhere in the Bible does it command I listen to "Christian" music. Now, it says in Phil 4:8 to think of whatever is pure, noble, lovely, etc. etc. But that doesn't limit it to just the Christian genre of entertainment. To me, most of the songs sound the same and the lyrics are generally not creative or meaningful. You can listen to that music all you want, but I won't.
Second, just because something is "secular" doesn't mean I should avoid it. To me, life would be pretty boring if I forwent all things "secular." Also, how can I expect to engage culture if I don't watch/read/educate myself in what the culture engages in. Of course, I must make sure I am being edified by it in some way. Just because it's not "Christian" doesn't mean it's horrible.
And lastly, about Noah. I feel like I need to defend myself. I suppose I probably should have had a bigger issue with it being unbiblical. But I didn't. I went to see it to see if it was at least a decent story. And it wasn't, and I was mad that is was inaccurate AND a crap story.
I didn't want to go see another Christian movie because, quite honestly, I don't care about it that much. And I have no requirement to get excited about one every time one is released.

Well, I got some stuff off my mind in this post...... Sorry for the rant. BUT IT IS TRUE.

I feel like I should put some happy stuff after that angry stuff, so here's some pictures of people smiling. :)

Happy Mother's Day!
-Amanda



PS: A friend of mine wrote a good thing about music choices. Check it out: http://www.daughterofpearlblog.com/music-doesnt-make-you-better-than-me/

Stream of Consciousness 9

There have been thoughts swirling around my mind so here they are:

First of all, I'm getting tired of people making a gun with their hands and pretending to shoot themselves whenever they're slightly upset or angry. Suicide is not something to take lightly. I know a lot of people who do this all the time and it has just recently started bothering me, so I will probably be telling you this next time I see you do it.

Second, I think it's sad that so many words have lost their meaning. Or their meaning has become less profound. Words such as "awesome" and "hate."
We use "awesome" to describe anything from God, the creator of the universe, to the taco we had for dinner last night.
"Hate" is used to describe an actual intense and passionate loathing and also a vague disliking of something.

Third, it's the end of the school year (almost) and I am so ready to be on Summer vacation...

Fourth, I hate it when people rag on fiction books as if they can't teach you anything. I swear the best fiction books cause you to think about things. Harry Potter, any John Green book, Divergent, The Hunger Games. Just because the book isn't packed full of facts and ideas doesn't mean that it's useless. I understand you might prefer nonfiction. And I'm okay with that. I really am. I think nonfiction books are very educational. I just find them boring. In the same way that someone who enjoys nonfiction might find the ridiculous adventures of a hobbit to be a snooze-fest.
Just don't go telling me fiction is useless.

Sixth, I am about fed up with the internet. (She says on the internet.) Social networking as turned all of us into narcissistic cowards with a self-esteem problem. 

Seventh, I just finished reading "An Abundance of Katherines." Great book. Everyone go and read it right now. Well, it got me thinking about my fourth point up there. I want to write something that actually means something. Something that isn't just some dumb story, you know? And it's really hard for me to come up with an idea that I think is worth sharing and then also coming up with a story to properly communicate is.
Or just coming up with a story that is worthwhile....
So, I have put the editing of my National Novel Writing Month novel on hold until I can come up with a way to make it worth reading. :)

And I guess that's the end. I could go one for forever but no one wants to read that.

Much love,
Amanda <3

The Unappreciated and The Overlooked in Everyday Life

So today IS Good Friday, but I have no original or interesting thoughts on Good Friday. So instead I'm writing about things that a lot of people ignore or don't value as much as they should. And since I'm really into making lists lately, I have formed a list. Here we go.

1) Eyes/Eye Contact

     I think eye contact has really gotten forgotten about in today's society. But eyes are really quite beautiful. Also, eye contact shows that you're listening and actually care about the person. So, as scary as it is to actually connect with the people around you, really try and make eye contact. For some reason, I've just been really noticing everyone's eye color lately and it's really interesting. 

Seriously. Eyes. Eye contact. Appreciate them. 

2) Silence

      In a society that's dominated by distraction, silence has gotten pushed aside. Instead it's"thoughtful music" or whatever. Now, music is great and stuff but silence is beautiful. There's literally nothing disturbing you. One of my favorite things about winter is when I'm outside getting the mail or something and I can't hear anything but the sound of my feet and my breath. Lately I've been listening to music almost all the time and I've realized that there's a vast amount of thinking that can be done in the silence. 

3) Stars

     Stars are things we see all the time. Every night. So I think we don't take time to realize their brilliance. Once I sit and really look at the stars (No matter how little I can see from wherever I am) I really start to think about how amazing God is and how unbelievable it is that he cares about us even though we're this little speck in the universe. 

4) Cloudy Days

     I, personally, quite like cloudy days. I don't understand why people don't like them. So, if you don't, please tell me why. I love them. Especially when I'm inside and I can just look outside at the clouds... Yeah... That makes me happy.

5) Empty Notebook Paper

     There's just so much potential in blank notebook paper.

Yeah that's all I could think of right now. If you have any others I'd love to hear them! 

I hope you have a great day!

Much love,

Amanda <3


PS I changed my blog again. What do you think? Baby Mike is so adorable. :)

Stream of Consciousness 8

So, I haven't blogged in a while so I thought "What the heck? I'll write one now!" So here I am.
Two major things have been on my mind recently. 1) School. 2) Not just hearing God's voice, but actually heeding what he's saying. I don't really feel like talking specifically about either of these things right now... So I'm not sure what else to talk about. But I figure if I just start writing something some idea will come to me and I can just ramble on that for a while....

I've recently been getting into the folk genre of music... It's actually pretty nice. Although the songs can be pretty sad every now and then it's actually not that bad. My brother bought the Inside Llewyn Davis soundtrack and it's amazing. I'd highly recommend it.

Speaking of things I'd recommend, I've been thinking about The Fault in Our Stars a lot recently. And I think I've come around to actually liking it and recommending it to people. Why? I don't know. But it really made me think and there is not too much YA books out there that make you think about things like love, and death, and happiness. Or they do, but the don't leave it up to the reader to draw his or her own conclusions. They tell the reader their opinion and then leave it at that. The Fault in Our Stars really forces you to think about things. John Greens theology is far from the hope that Jesus gives us. Which made me really sad and caused the book to have a hopeless tone to it.
So, if you haven't read it yet,  read it. But know that life doesn't have to be like that.

Also, if you haven't yet seen Captain America 2, you should most definitely watch it. (Only, of course, if you have seen the first one and the other Marvel movies.) The Winter Soldier is intense and the first fights between him and Captain are epic. Also there was some really good twists in it. The themes were good too.
Just... Just see it, okay?

Let's see... What else has been happening to me recently?
Oh, I just got an email from the summer camp I'm working at this Summer and it included all this paper work and whatnot. One of the things was this thing stating that I agree with the camp's "zero tolerance" policy for sexual abuse of children. And it made me sad that that wasn't assumed of me, you know? Like I have to sign something ensuring that I won't sexual harass children and I'll report it if I see it happen.
I dunno.... I just think it's sad that sexual abuse has become so common that I have to read and sign all these things....
I'm actually really excited to go to this camp because ever since 3rd grade I've wanted to be a SaLT (It's like a counselor in training) and now I finally can!

Man I wish people would quit quoting CS Lewis all the time. I mean, yeah the guy said some good things but honestly, give it a rest. It's like everything he says is true or something. Like, people read The Screwtape Letters and cite it as truth. What if he's wrong? I read something that practically used a quote of his to support the reliability of the Gospels. What?
CS LEWIS IS NOT GOD AND HIS BOOKS ARE NOT THE BIBLE. CREATE AN ARGUMENT FOR YOUR OPINIONS AND BACK IT UP USING ACTUAL STUFF NOT JUST SOME STORY CS LEWIS DECIDED TO USE, OKAY?

I just found a dubstep version of "Pippin's Song" from The Lord of the Rings. Don't listen to it. It kind of sucks a lot....

So... Profanity. What makes it profane? How long until a profane word becomes commonplace and a different work takes its place? I don't know...

I'm rewriting my NaNoWriMo novel. (Did I tell you that already?) Whatever. It's really hard because I 'm trying to make things make sense this time. But the characters don't really make that much sense to me right now so...

Here's a picture of a pug:

Have a great day, whoever is reading this!

Much love,

Amanda. <3